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by hyunievrse



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Angst, Begging, Challenges, Confessions, Crying, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Emotional alteration, Feelings Realization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Potions, Short One Shot, Spells & Enchantments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29424504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunievrse/pseuds/hyunievrse
Summary: Have you ever felt like your emotions take such a toll on you that you wish you could hit the delete button on them? For Hyunjin the possibility is very much real and he's had enough. But even though he has given up there is one person who can still save him from the fate of becoming an eternal emotionless human shell, even if it takes speaking up on feelings that should have remained a secret.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14
Collections: Drabbles Challenge for Chaotic Writers





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**Author's Note:**

> Since this is just a drabble, it's more like the ending scene of a long story that was filled with lots of pain and heartache (and I'm not sure if I want to put myself and you guys, the readers, through such a thing)
> 
> This snippet of a story is dedicated to everyone who has at any point wished the same - to keep living without emotions. Maybe these aren't the words of comfort you're looking for, but I hope you have found/will find at least one emotion that is too valuable for you to let go of that makes all the others worth experiencing.

“Hyunjin! Snap out of it!” Felix shook the taller boy in front of him by the shoulders, trying to grab his attention. He was desperate. Even at this rate - hopeless. 

When their gaze met Felix could only see desperation and a fading light in the eyes of the older boy that were starting to resemble endless dark caverns and it broke his heart to see the one he loved so devoid of hope. How could he have let it all come down to this? How was he incapable of doing anything sooner? 

What Hyunjin was holding in his hand was a small glass bottle with a dark liquid. But it was not an ordinary drink, but in fact a potion. A magic substance whose purpose was to erase all emotions of any living being for as long as they lived. The effect was permanent and irreversible. Hyunjin held onto it as if to dear life itself, seeing it as his only saving grace, the only way he could stop his feelings from constantly dragging him back, bringing him down, making him feel weaker than he would be if he never felt anything at all.

Felix, seeing the other boy shift his gaze back at the potion, felt the urge to straight up slap him, but he wouldn't dare. He couldn't even think straight as fear was flowing through his veins, making his body tremor and he was getting more desperate by the second, which meant he was ready to try anything, regardless of how abrupt and unkind. Hyunjin could lift the potion bottle at any moment and one drop was enough to erase the very thing that made him human. The very thing that made him  _ Hyunjin. _

As the older reached to remove the bottle cap Felix screamed, “Hyunjin! Look at me!” he rapidly reached out and cupped the taller boy’s cheeks with both hands and abruptly turned his head to face him. To face the mess that was Felix at that very moment - his eyes and nose red, streaks of tears flowing down his freckle covered cheeks, his overall helpless state of both body and mind.

“Hyunjin, listen to me! You can’t do this! You just can’t!” he cried out once again, his voice was cracking with every word, but he didn't care. His mind was going haywire and the only thing he could think of doing at that moment was beg and pray. To whom? Maybe to Hyunjin, or to God, or any force of the universe that was willing to listen to him.

“But… I want to…” Hyunjin spoke in a quiet voice, in contrast to the person in front of him. But it wasn’t one of composure, but of defeat. His own emotions had drained him so much, that he felt like he had no tears left to cry. He didn't even have the strength to ease the worries of the younger boy, despite that he wanted to stop the other’s sorrow so he could finally gather the courage and free himself of the guilt of taking the potion.

“Hyunjin, this isn’t you!” Felix cried out, still not letting go of Hyunjin’s face between his palms, “This is some demon in the back of your head telling you that you should give up everything, don’t listen to it! Listen to me! Don’t do it, please!” he begged, hoping that if he kept going maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to reach out to his friend through this hopeless state.

“No, Felix, this isn't a demon, it’s nothing else but the result of life playing with your feelings. I’m tired of my own emotions pulling me back and making me feel weak. All it takes is one sip and I’ll never feel sadness, anger or helplessness ever again. I won’t care what others do or say to me. Whatever life throws at me, I’ll be able to take it and won’t be able to knock me down ever again” Hyunjin’s voice was even, without an ounce of emotion, as if he had already drank the potion. He was ready to sacrifice every emotion he was capable of experiencing just to rid himself of the negative ones and the effects they had on him.

Felix felt like every word cut into his heart, leaving a painful sting with every slash, “No, you’re not thinking straight! You can’t see what you’re giving up! You’re willing to sacrifice every happy moment in your past and that could come in your future just because of all the bad ones! Don’t you see that!?” the younger always thought that one would have to be out of their mind to be willing to make such a trade.

But hearing Hyunjin’s response made him realise what state of utter desperation was required to reach such a final decision, “I already know that. And it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make”. To him it was all or nothing.

Despite spoken inaudibly, Hyunjin’s words rang off the walls and for a moment all Felix could do was stare in disbelief, “No, he couldn’t have lost all hope already” he thought. There had to be  _ something _ he could do, something he could say. If Hyunjin hadn’t taken the potion already then there must be something that was holding him back, something small that was fading and leaving his sight. Felix tried to wrack his head to find the right words, to find anything that might be able to make his friend turn back on his reckless plan, but his overflowing frustration and desperation made it hard to think straight.

“Are you kidding me!? Are you really telling me that there hasn't been a single memorable joyous moment that has lifted you up? Kept you going? Made you feel alive?” he didn't take his eyes off Hyunjin’s, looking for any trace that his words might catch his attention and reach him, “You experience so much positivity every day and yes, the balance is thrown off sometimes, but it’s not all gone! Do you never want to feel the little joy when you come home from a long day and see Kkami before being hit with the relief from crashing on your bed? Do you never want to feel the fun when running around the beach with your friends? Do you never want to feel the satisfaction from completing a choreography? Do you never want to feel the freedom in dancing to your favourite song? Do you never want to feel the compassion from a warm hug? None of that ever again!?”

Felix could keep going, remembering all the moments he had seen Hyunjin enjoying himself to the fullest, looking carefree and completely the opposite of what he was now - staring with empty eyes, ready to become nothing different from an emotionless robot with a human shell. But he knew there was something left in there, something that Hyunjin was holding onto, even if just a mere straw. He had to push further, he had to reach out and get him out of the cavern he was sinking into. There was no room to hold back. Not now. Or all would be lost forever.

“Do you never want to be able to feel love again?” Felix cried out with every bit of strength left within him, “Do you never want to know the feeling of being loved again? How would anyone have the courage to look you in the eye and tell you “I love you” knowing they’ll get just a soulless response?” he looked up straight into Hyunjin’s eyes and he swore he could see the slightest hint of a spark reigniting in them. He was able to reach him, but he had to play the last move he could think of to be able to pull him out, “How would I ever have the courage for that Hyunjin!?” 

The older boy’s eyes widened at the sound of the last words he heard. Without sparing a second more to stare dumbfounded at the younger in front of him, who looked like he could break at any minute, having given his all to save the other from his reckless decision, Hyunjin instantly dropped the potion bottle he was holding and wrapped his arms around the other boy that was a crying mess, ignoring the sound of the shattering glass as it hit the ground. He paid no mind to the dark liquid spilling all over the floor with glass shards littered over it. 

After what felt like hours but was likely only minutes, with neither of them having taken a step back and only Felix’ cries breaking the silence, the younger boy spoke up,

“I’m sorry” Felix let out another muffled cry into Hyunjin’s shoulder. The spot his head was buried in was soaking wet from the tears, but neither of them seemed to mind at the moment.

“Why are you the one apologising when I was the one who was about to do something so reckless?” Hyunjin’s voice was still quiet, but it wasn't because he was hopeless anymore. He really couldn't grasp why after his thoughtlessness Felix was the one apologising. Guilt spread through every part of his body, but this time he wasn't going to run from it and try to numb it. This was the guilt he had to take in even if it stung, because he still had so much more to learn from it.

“Because I involved my own feelings in this instead of emphasising yours! You gave up on the potion just because you felt sorry for me!” at the sound of these words escaping the boy in his arms, Hyunjin felt another arrow of remorse pierce his heart. But the guilt from his mistakes and the damage they could have caused was something that would chase after him for a long time and therefore now was not the time to dwell over it. It was not the time to sulk, but to look for the right words to help the person who gave his all so Hyunjin could still stand and feel every ounce of emotions in the atmosphere around them.

“No, Felix, that’s far from the truth” he finally spoke up and he let his thoughts flow, “You couldn't convince me to go back based on my own emotions because I myself had given up on them. But even if I erased my own feelings, that wouldn't be the case for those of the people around me. I would be left with no way of answering them. I would have to look them in the eyes and not even think I should be feeling guilt at the moment”

Focused on every word that the older spoke, Felix’ breathing calmed down, the loud cries turned into quiet sniffs, but his face remained buried in Hyunjin’s shoulder. He was carefully listening, holding tightly onto every word as another sign of hope, just as tightly as he was clinging onto the person in his embrace, fearful that if he were to let go of either he might lose him again.

“Because you know what I just realised?” Hyunjin continued without waiting for an answer, “That a person’s emotions don’t reside within that one person alone - they’re shared, returned, amplified by those around us. They’re all connected, and that’s the beauty of it. While I was ready to sacrifice my own emotions for my own relief alone, I was never, and never will be, ready to give up the connection they give me to others. Had I taken the potion, I would never again be able to return a smile to someone approaching me, to share the excitement with someone bringing good news, to comfort someone in need, to return the love of those around me” Hyunjin took a step back to take a look at the younger who looked just as much of a mess as him. Reaching out, he cupped the other’s freckle-littered face with one hand and gently caressed his cheek with his thumb to wipe another tear that had escaped his eyes, “And wouldn't I be selfish for that? Not being able to even appreciate the feeling of those around me?”

“Yeah,” Felix finally spoke up, his voice still quiet and weak, “You really would have been an idiot to do something like that” he said and leaned in against Hyunjin once more, looking for the comfort of his warm embrace which reminded him that, at least for now, his emotions were still there.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little scene! I tried my best to portray their emotions well and I hope it reached anyone who might've needed it~
> 
> This drabble is part of a collection of works for International Fanwork Day! Thank you to all creators out there for making such beautiful works and sharing them with the world! To the ones of the past: thank you for setting the base for so many current and future creators to be inspired! To the present ones: thank you for your hard work, it gets hard sometimes but we can get through this and leave something beautiful behind us! To the future ones: if you're someone currently thinking of making something, I give you all my support and courage to take the first step and join us in making the world a more beautiful place, one creation at a time.


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